Even at 32 years old, I still find it difficult sometimes. I think the mentality of it starts when you're young - I viewed it as a weakness.
"You can't do it yourself? What a loser."
My mom was a strong woman. She did a lot herself - cooking, cleaning, parenting. My dad was gone quite often for the military so it's not like she had a choice. She rarely asked for help and just blew up when she got too overwhelmed.
Super healthy.
From seeing that, I often thought to myself, "Nah, that won't be me. I'm too chill. It'll be different."
Isn't that what we all think though - that we won't turn out like our mothers? We hope and pray and plead...and then, we see inklings of something familiar. Something that makes us slightly nauseous.
"Ugh shit. There it is. There's that temper."
I didn't get the temper until much later - but the *not* asking for help thing...that plagued me since day one.
If I needed help from someone, I would just stew in it for a while. Silently, I would teeter-totter back and forth on how to ask for help without seeming weak. I'd rarely settle on a decision so I'd eventually figure out how to do the shit alone.
Yeah, it probably made me stronger. But it also made me less effective with some things.
It wasn't until my late 20s that I realized that asking for help wasn't the weakness - having pride was.
Pride is blinding and often crippling, isn't it? That was a vice for me. I hated having someone knowing what I couldn't do alone - it didn't help to have abusive relationships that made me blanketed even more. But yes, I allowed that.
Then, you grow. Mainly from realizing how much weight can be lifted off of your shoulders by opening your damn mouth. And that people who truly love you would never judge you for asking for help.
It's a mindset shift. (And so is actively working on not being my mother.)
Nowadays, I'm still reminded to ask for anything + everything. Especially since my husband is deployed and I have a baby on the way.
Because, woof. There's no way in hell that I can do everything alone, right?
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