A Letter To My Kid

Not that he'll listen to a damn thing I say because he'll probably be as stubborn as I am...

However. This will be here if he needs it.

Dear Judson,

As I'm sitting here with that first (and only) cup of coffee this morning, I feel the soft kicking of your feet against the right side of my tummy. It seems like you have a sort of routine down now, letting mommy know when it's time to get up to pee and eat some breakfast. Or when it's time to stretch my legs after sitting too long during work. Or when your nocturnal schedule kicks in.

To be honest hun, I've never pictured myself as a mother - it was only a few years ago that I told myself that kids probably weren't in the cards for me. The gyno had told me that my lady parts could be an issue [eventually] and I was terrified of passing toxic family traits on to a child. Believe me, you don't want 'em.

But, then. I met your father. God blessed me with you. And it all changed.

Listen, this is not a how-to letter. Your life is meant to be lived in a way that makes you happy + fulfilled. And only you can figure out how to do that. You'll see people put themselves in a box to live a certain way or to please others to get ahead...don't do that to yourself, Judd. Make it your mission to find out your genuine purpose in life.

With that being said, this is more of a what-I've-learned-over-the-years type of thing, for when you're older. Perhaps for a tough day. Or at a point when you need a gentle reminder that the world will not, in fact, end, and you'll be ok.

Let's get at it.

1. Allow yourself to make mistakes.

There's no such thing as perfect - you will F up. The important thing is to recognize the mistake that was made and decide where to go from there. How will you bounce back? What is your next step? How can you avoid the same mistake in the future?

Once you answer those questions to move forward, you'll grow. You'll be stronger. If you're making the same mistakes over and over, take a step back. And reassess. Ignoring shit won't make it go away or become resolved on its own. You'll have to figure it out, and you will.

2. Travel often.

Ok, listen. Wherever your dad and I are, you'll always have a home. So, take chances to see new places and travel where you can - yes, it's weird + scary at first, but then you'll meet amazing people that'll become your best friends for life. You'll experience awesome things and have crazy memorable stories. (Ask me about the time I had to shimmy through a bathroom window to open our front door because we lost our key on the beach...and I got stuck. For awhile.)

So take those adventures, say yes to random trips (with people you know), and don't get trapped somewhere too long. Because eventually, when you put roots down, the idea of traveling becomes a stray thought. Do it while you can!

3. Be financially independent.

If you wanna become a sugar daddy, that's your call. However, make sure YOU are squared away when it comes to finances. There's nothing more destructive than having to depend on someone for money - it can become very toxic and the relationship can easily become a prison sentence. Imagine feeling trapped + suffocated since you have nowhere else to go, and the other person using it to their advantage because they're a POS...imagine how miserable that would be.

So. Before getting into any relationship, I highly suggest making sure your shit is good before involving anyone else. And that goes for moochers too - no matter how hot the chick is, make sure she's a solid person that's independent as well. (If this topic is getting too weird now, talk to your dad about it.)

4. Communicate.

Talking can be hard. Talking about your feelings can be even harder. But lift that weight off of your chest and open your damn mouth.

Just remember that no one can guess what's on your mind - even someone that knows you very well. If something is bothering you, or hurting you, or making you upset...talk about it with that person. If he or she is a dick about it, they suck and they're not worth your time. The right people will be patient with you and will want to make things better. They'll be open to talking and working it out - then, you guys can move on.

P.S. Stewing is a waste of time and leads nowhere. It ages you and makes you bitter. Don't be that guy, kid.

5. Find out who you are.

In life, it's easy to get lost - mentally and emotionally. You'll go through things that'll make you question everything that you know. But when the dust settles, you'll need to rely on your internal compass. And that comes with knowing who you are.

In my case, I never felt comfortable in my own skin until my late twenties. It was a long road of knocking off the people-pleasing, realizing my boundaries, and understanding my self-worth. Hopefully, you don't have to go through a similar experience, honey. But who knows where life will take you.

So. Learn to define who you are, yourself. And listen to your gut.

-- --

Ok, I'm getting off the soap box now. There are so many more this-is-important-to's, but we can save them for another time.

The idea of parenting is terrifying - we always want to do the right thing and allow our kids to grow. But I know that'll be difficult because your dad and I will always want to shield you from getting hurt or life shit.

So yes...unfortunately kid, I'll probably be an overprotective mama. But I promise to let you do life and have your own experiences. (Legally and within reason.)

See you in a couple of months, bud. Your two furry siblings are waitin' on ya.

With so much love,

Your mom.